In this article I want to talk about mindset – and how the way we look at things affects what we create in life. Because what’s at stake here is the difference between living a life of scarcity versus living in a world of abundance.
So what is mindset? Mindset is a set of beliefs that affects how you think, feel and behave.
Professor Carol Dweck at Stanford University in California has conducted a huge amount of research into this and provides substantial evidence that what we are able to achieve is not fixed – its not about our ability but about our beliefs about our ability.
There’s been a lot written about fixed mindset and growth mindset in recent years, in self help books, business books, HR when ti comes to hiring. Growth mindset means you believe in your ability and capacity to change and grow.
When we live out our limiting beliefs, we limit ourselves from creating the life we really crave.
When we allow ourselves to slip into limiting beliefs, we are consciously and unconsciously living the stories that have often been passed on to us through the generations of our family or other people who influenced us in our lives. These limiting beliefs can show up in the form of self sabotage, gremlins – those voices that tell us we’re not enough – and the phrases we heard and absorbed when we were young as our brains were developing. We’re not that type of family, we’re not those sorts of people, you’re not the clever one, not creative enough, we’re not wealthy enough, and on and on and on it goes.
I’ve talked before about the idea that our world is created twice – first in our mind and then in reality. And much of coaching is about supporting people to challenge the belief systems they have about themselves and raise their awareness of how they come into play in whatever it is they are considering. A new career, how to really succeed in our business, how to negotiate a new role returning from maternity leave, down to the day to day choices we make for ourselves – what to eat, what to wear, how much exercise to do, who to form relationships with.
I was brought up to believe there was a positive in everything. Sometimes that was limiting for me – I wanted to express all my feelings. So while it was a wonderful lesson – my parents wanted me to seek out the good, the positive, the opportunity, the hope and possibility, it also meant that when i was pushing myself too hard, or when i experienced real heartbreak i didn’t know how to respond. I was the happy one, the positive one, the one seeking possibility, not the one having an emotional breakdown because my world had fallen apart. So I took my eating disorder to a new level in order to cope.
Working on your mindset is not about denying yourself all your feelings. It’s about becoming aware of everything you feel, of the way you talk to yourself and how that impacts the choices you are making for yourself. Then looking at the beliefs holding you back and asking yourself these questions:
what relationship do i have with myself?
what dialogue am i having with myself that could be limiting me?
what beliefs are at the heart of that dialogue?
whose beliefs are they – are they mine or did i inherit them, absorb them from others?
and if they’re not yours, and they are getting in your way, What new belief or beliefs can you create to reflect who you are when you are your truest self?
So for me, i am a positive person by nature, i live with hope and a belief in possibility and fulfilment. But i have also learnt to allow myself to feel everything. There is power in feeling everything. I had to move from believing i needed to positive and happy to accepting i feel all the emotions, and each one has its place. And as a result my relationships are much more fulfilling.
To help you get to that place where you can ask yourself those questions, there are a few things you can incorporate into your routine. This will be help you build a growth mindset – build beliefs that work for you, that reflect who you are and where you want to be.
So How do you work on shifting your mindset to one that’s more positive, more about growth.
we’re not perfect, we’re human – focus on your progress, how far have you come – you need to move towards not away. move towards your goal – how much closer are you, what has changed, not how far do you still have to travel. Write down your successes, however small. They are milestones along your journey.
there’s no success without failure – every single thing you do is helping you get to where you need to be. It’s much cited now but you in order to succeed, you will fail many times over. Michael Jordan says i’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my life. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that’s why i succeed. Let go of fear.
Show up as yourself – the more authentic you are, the more you get to understand yourself, what makes you tick, what drives you, the more you can answer the question Who am I. the more you will grow and achieve brilliant things. We are our best selves when we are our truest selves. I
be still and focus on the present – – be in the moment, allow yourself to feel gratitude for what you have right this moment. in this breath, you will find something good. something to be grateful for. focus on it, allow it to fill you.
create a positive affirmation to repeat to yourself. Whatever is challenging you, create a simple affirmation you can say to yourself on repeat to shift your thinking from negative to positive, from fixed to growth.
At the start of lockdown i felt filled with anger at the loss of control and the isolation i felt. But i created a mantra for myself – i surrender, i let go of control and get out of my own way to allow life to surprise and delight me. And it did, i created space for something new, for lots of new things by simply getting out of my own way.
change how you talk to yourself, change your limiting beliefs – the self sabotage the lack of belief, the lack of self worth and trust. talk to yourself as you would talk to your dearest loved ones.
surround yourself with the right people – trust yourself and your intuition.
Any questions, message me via the message box on the website here.